# Bar or Bat Mitzvah Speech From Parents: Blessing and Toast > Write the parents' words for your son's bar mitzvah or daughter's bat mitzvah: a short blessing for the service, a lighter toast for the party, and examples. Source: https://hidengpt.com/write/bar-mitzvah-speech-from-parents # Our son's bar mitzvah is in the spring, and the rabbi asked us to prepare a few words as his parents. Bring your child's name, two or three moments that show who they are becoming, and what you wish for them. HidenGPT's Speech format, set to Heartfelt and 2 minutes, turns that into about 260 words, the length many rabbis ask parents to keep to. It works from your memories and never invents one; gaps stay marked for you. Updated October 15, 2026 · by the HidenGPT team Try it with your own details Enter to send · Shift+Enter for a new line ## How to do it in HidenGPT - 01 Ask your rabbi or cantor first: where you speak (at the bimah, at the party or both), how long you have and whether they want to see the text in advance. - 02 With Speech picked under “Use it for”, set Occasion to Birthday / celebration, Minutes to 2, Tone to Heartfelt and Your role to “his parents, speaking together at the service”. - 03 In the main box, write two or three specific moments, a word about the Torah portion if you want one, and your wish or blessing for your child, then send. - 04 Read the draft with your rabbi's guidelines next to it: remove anything that did not happen or reads as bragging, fill each [add a short memory] gap and add any Hebrew wording exactly as you want it said. - 05 Practice it out loud together and decide who says which paragraph, then send it to the rabbi if they asked to see it. [Speech & Toast](https://hidengpt.com/tools/speech): Weddings, graduations, keynotes: timed to the minute and written to be read aloud. ## The parents' words: a blessing at the service, a toast at the party Parents speaking at a bar or bat mitzvah is a fairly recent custom, mostly in non-Orthodox congregations. Many people trace it to an older blessing that a father traditionally said at his son's bar mitzvah. Today, as MyJewishLearning explains, that blessing is still said in traditional and some liberal synagogues, many liberal communities have dropped it, and where girls have an equivalent ceremony, parents say it for daughters too. What that means in practice: there are often two different texts. At the service, parents give a short blessing or charge to their child, focused on the child and the meaning of the day. At the party, a parent may give a lighter toast with a story and thanks to the guests. Rabbis quoted in the Jewish Journal describe congregations that ask parents to shape their remarks as a blessing, one that sets 300 words, and one that asks for a single double-spaced page a week in advance. In Orthodox congregations, usually only the child and the rabbi speak at the service, and parents speak at the celebration. Rules differ from synagogue to synagogue. Ask yours before you write anything, and write to their length. ## What to say, and what rabbis ask parents to leave out For the service, about two minutes is a good length. At 130 words a minute that is roughly 260 words, under the 300 some rabbis set. A shape that works for a blessing: Your child's name and one moment from when they were small: 60 words. Who they are becoming, shown by one concrete example: 90. A word on their Torah portion or what they learned preparing, if you want it: 50. Your blessing or wish for them: 60. What to leave out: the list of grades, trophies and teachers since preschool, teasing of any kind, family in-jokes, and anything your child would hate to hear in front of their friends. The words are for your child; the congregation is overhearing them. Many parents also say the kind words privately before the service, so the public ones are not the first time. For the party toast, you can be lighter: thank the guests and the people who helped your child prepare, tell one funny story they have approved, and raise a glass. ## Example: a parents' blessing for the service Example (about 190 words, from the notes in the box above, read by both parents in turn): “Noah, when you were seven, Grandpa gave you twenty dollars for your birthday. A week later we found out you had taken it to the food bank. You did not tell us. You did not tell anyone. Grandpa found out from the woman at the desk. That is who you have always been. You do the right thing quietly, and you do it first. For the past year, every night after dinner, you sat at the kitchen table and practiced your portion while your sister did her homework next to you. Some nights it went well and some nights it did not, and you came back the next night anyway. Your portion is Lech Lecha, where Abraham is told to go out into a place he does not know yet. Today you are stepping out too. You will not always know where you are going. We hope you go anyway, with your questions and your kindness. Our wish for you is simple. Keep asking hard questions. Keep calling Grandpa on Fridays. Keep showing up for people, especially when nobody is watching. Noah, we are so proud of you. We love you.” Read slowly by two people taking turns, that is under two minutes. ## What the Speech format does with it The Birthday / celebration setting writes personal memories and a warm wish; with Tone on Heartfelt, jokes stay out. Minutes goes from 1 to 15. At 2 it aims for about 260 words and warns you if the draft lands more than 30% off; if your rabbi set a word limit, choose the minutes that fit under it. For the party toast, run it again with Tone on Heartfelt + witty and your thanks in the notes. It is not a source for Hebrew blessings or liturgy: type any Hebrew, transliteration or line from the portion yourself, and check it with your rabbi. It is told not to invent anecdotes, names or events, and marks any missing memory as [add a short memory]. A light red pen pass removes stock phrases. On Pro or Pro Max, a voice saved from two to five things either parent has written (300 characters at least) brings the wording closer to how you speak. ## Not the right tool if - Your child's own speech or d'var Torah. HidenGPT is for adults, and that speech should be your child's work with their rabbi or tutor. - Liturgy, Hebrew blessings or the parents' traditional blessing. Ask your rabbi or cantor for the wording. - A list of achievements. The format is built for one or two stories and a wish, which is also what most rabbis ask for. ## Other ways to do it Your rabbi's guide or template Many congregations give parents examples or a fill-in guide. Start there; it already fits your synagogue's rules. Writing it together at the kitchen table Costs nothing. Each parent writes one memory, then you join them with a shared blessing. A letter instead of a speech Some parents put the private words in a letter given the morning of, and keep the public blessing short. ChatGPT or another chatbot Quick, but it may add religious wording or stories you did not give, which you would need to check carefully. ## Questions ### Do parents give a speech at a bar mitzvah? In many non-Orthodox congregations, yes: a short blessing or charge to the child during the service. In Orthodox congregations parents usually speak at the celebration instead. Ask your rabbi what your synagogue does. ### How long should a parents' bar mitzvah speech be? Whatever your rabbi says, and usually around two minutes. Some congregations set a limit such as 300 words or one double-spaced page. At 130 words a minute, two minutes is about 260 words. ### What should I say in a bar mitzvah speech for my son? One early memory, one example of who he is becoming, a word about his portion if you like, and your blessing or wish for him. Leave out achievements lists and teasing. ### Is a bat mitzvah speech from parents different? The shape is the same. Change the name and the moments, and put “her parents” in Your role; the advice about length and what to leave out applies equally. ### What does a mother say to her son at his bar mitzvah? If parents speak separately, each takes one memory and one wish; a mother's part is often the early memory. If you speak together, decide who reads which paragraph so it sounds like a conversation. ### Is it okay to use AI to write a bar mitzvah speech? Yes, if the memories and the blessing are yours. It drafts from what you type; you check it against your rabbi's guidance, make it sound like you and say it yourselves. ### Can I try it before paying? Yes. You can write 2 drafts a day on the homepage without an account. The studio, with saved drafts and your own voices, needs a plan; Pro costs $3 for the first month. ## Related - [My daughter's quinceañera is next month, and I have to give the toast.](https://hidengpt.com/write/quinceanera-speech) - [I want to give my daughter a letter on the morning of her wedding, and I don't know how to start.](https://hidengpt.com/write/letter-to-daughter-on-her-wedding-day) - [It's my mom's 70th birthday, and the family wants me to say a few words.](https://hidengpt.com/write/birthday-speech-for-mom) - [My parents' 50th anniversary party is next month, and I'm the one giving the toast.](https://hidengpt.com/write/toast-for-parents-50th-anniversary) - [I have to give a eulogy for my grandma, and I don't know where to start.](https://hidengpt.com/write/eulogy-for-grandma) - [Does my writing sound like AI?](https://hidengpt.com/tools/ai-cliche-checker) - [Essays, homework and everyday writing that sounds like you](https://hidengpt.com/write) [Prefer HidenGPT on Google](https://www.google.com/preferences/source?q=hidengpt.com)