# How to Write an Obituary for Your Mother or Father > Write an obituary for your mom or dad: the five parts in order, 200 to 400 words, what to leave out for privacy, and a full example to adapt. Source: https://hidengpt.com/write/obituary-for-a-parent # The funeral home needs an obituary for my mom by tomorrow, and I've never written one. Bring the facts the funeral home asked for and five or six true details about their life. HidenGPT's Memoir format, in third person and set to about 350 words, turns them into a plain, readable life story without inventing anything; missing facts come back as [?:...] notes. You add the service details exactly and check every name. Updated October 15, 2026 · by the HidenGPT team Try it with your own details Enter to send · Shift+Enter for a new line ## How to do it in HidenGPT - 01 Ask the funeral home three things first: the deadline, where the obituary will appear (their website, a newspaper or both), and whether the paper has a word limit or charges by length. - 02 Memoir is picked on this page with Memoir from notes, third person, Plain & clear and about 350 words; type “my mother, [full name]” in Whose story?. - 03 Type the facts in your notes exactly as they should appear, full names, maiden name, dates and places, then add five or six details about who they were, and send. - 04 Answer or delete every [?:...] note, then type the service details, donations and any thank-you yourself, copying times and addresses from the funeral home's message. - 05 Have one other family member read it for names, spellings and anyone left out before it goes to the funeral home. [Memoir / Biography](https://hidengpt.com/tools/memoir): Prepare interview questions, or turn rough notes into a memoir. ## Example: an obituary for a mother, about 330 words Example, built from the notes above, with nothing added that is not in them. The service paragraph at the end is the part you copy from the funeral home, not the part you write. “Margaret Ann Kowalski (née Brennan), 84, of Toledo, died peacefully at home on October 9. Margaret was born in Cleveland in 1942, the fourth of six Brennan children. She married Walter Kowalski in 1964, and they settled in Toledo, where they raised two children and lived in the same house on Elm Street for 47 years. For 30 years she was the bookkeeper at Lakeside Hardware, where she knew the price of every hinge in the store. She also kept the books for St. Hedwig's parish as a volunteer until she was 80. Margaret grew dahlias along the back fence and entered them at the Lucas County Fair every summer. Her 1998 blue ribbon hung in the kitchen for the rest of her life, and visitors heard about it. She did the Sunday crossword in pen, never pencil. She is survived by her children, Paul (Linda) Kowalski of Toledo and Karen (Jim) Novak of Columbus; her grandchildren, Emily, Sam, Noah, Grace and Leo; and her sister, Rose Delaney. She was preceded in death by her husband, Walter, and by four siblings. Visitation will be held on [day, date] from [time] at [funeral home, address]. A funeral Mass will be celebrated on [day, date] at [time] at St. Hedwig Church, followed by burial at [cemetery]. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made to [organization].” Two things to notice. The life paragraphs are made of details, the hinges, the ribbon, the pen, not of adjectives. And the family list follows a set order, spouse first, then children with their spouses in parentheses, then grandchildren, then siblings, which readers expect and scan for their own names. ## The five parts, in the order readers expect Most American obituaries follow the same order. Readers scan for it, and newspapers often expect it. 1. The announcement: full name (with maiden name or nickname if used), age, town, the date of death and, if the family wishes, a gentle word on how, such as “after a long illness” or “peacefully at home”. You do not have to give a cause. 2. The life: where and when they were born, marriage, work, the places they lived, and three or four details that only they had. This is the part most families find hard, and the part people read twice. 3. The family: survived by, then preceded in death by. Check every spelling with the person named; a misspelled grandchild is the mistake people call about. 4. The service: visitation, funeral or memorial, burial, with exact dates, times and addresses from the funeral home. If the service is private or later, say so in one line. 5. Donations and thanks: an organization in lieu of flowers, and a line thanking a hospice or caregivers if the family wants it. Length, as a rule of thumb rather than a rule: 200 to 400 words covers it for most families. Online-only obituaries on a funeral home's site can run longer. Printed obituaries usually cost money and the price often depends on length and on whether a photo is included, so ask the paper or the funeral home before you write 700 words and have to cut half. ## What to leave out, for privacy and for peace An obituary is public, it stays online for years, and it is read by people you will never meet. Leave out: The home address of your parent or of anyone in the family. A published funeral time and a home address together tell strangers when a house will be empty. The exact date of birth and the mother's maiden name, if your family is careful about identity theft. Many families give only the birth year and the town. Medical details, unless your parent was open about the illness and the family wants to raise awareness or name a charity. Family disputes. If a child or sibling is estranged, the usual and gentlest choice is still to list them; leaving someone out of an obituary is noticed and remembered. If that is not possible, talk it through with the funeral director before you decide. Anything you would not want a grandchild to read in ten years. A eulogy can carry jokes and inside stories. An obituary rarely does. One light line, like the ribbon in the example, is plenty. ## What the Memoir format does with an obituary Memoir is built for life stories, and it does the hardest part of an obituary well: turning a list of facts into a few paragraphs that sound like a person. With Narration set to third person and the length at about 350 words, it writes in a plain, warm biography voice and keeps your expressions, nicknames and place names as you typed them. It is told never to invent events, people, names, dates or places. Where something is missing, such as the year they married or the name of the parish, it leaves a note in the form [?: what to ask] for you to answer or delete. It may also add a title and open with a small scene, the way a life story does. For an obituary, delete the title and move the announcement sentence to the top. Check the family list and the service details by hand against your notes and the funeral home's message. Those are facts people act on, so type them yourself rather than trusting any draft. A light red pen pass cuts stock phrases such as “a testament to” and “touched the lives of”, which turn up in obituaries more than anywhere else. ## Not the right tool if - Legal or official notices. Probate and creditor notices follow their own rules; the funeral home or a lawyer can tell you what is required where you live. - The eulogy at the service. That is written to be heard; the eulogy pages for a mom or a dad set the Speech format up for it. - Facts you have not confirmed. If you are unsure of a date or a name, ask a relative; the draft will only flag the gap. ## Other ways to do it The funeral home's template Most funeral homes have a form with blanks for the facts. Fast and correct; the life paragraph is up to you. Writing it as a family One person drafts, everyone adds one detail by text. Slower, but no grandchild is left out and everyone owns it. Your local newspaper's obituary desk They can tell you the length, price and deadline, and some will edit a submitted draft for their style. ChatGPT or another chatbot Quick for a first version, but check every fact: chatbots tend to add hobbies, phrases and relatives that were never in your notes. ## Questions ### What do you write in an obituary for a mother or father? Their full name, age, town and date of death; a short story of their life; the family they leave and those who died before them; the service details; and where to send donations. Follow that order and add three or four details only they had. ### How long should an obituary be? Usually 200 to 400 words, as a rule of thumb. Printed obituaries often cost more as they get longer, so ask the newspaper or funeral home before you write a long one. ### Who is listed as survived by? Usually the spouse first, then children with their spouses in parentheses, then grandchildren and great-grandchildren, then siblings. Those who died earlier are listed after “preceded in death by”. ### Do I have to say how my parent died? No. “Peacefully at home” or “after a long illness” is enough, and many obituaries say nothing about the cause at all. ### Who usually writes and submits the obituary? A child or the spouse usually writes it, and the funeral home often submits it to the newspaper and posts it on its own website. Ask them for their deadline. ### What is the difference between an obituary and a death notice? A death notice is short and gives the facts and the service; an obituary also tells the story of the person's life. Some newspapers use the words differently, so check what yours offers. ### Is it okay to use AI to write my parent's obituary? Yes, if every fact and detail comes from you. It shapes your notes into a readable draft; you check each name and date, add the service details yourself and sign it as the family. ### Can I try it before I subscribe? Yes. The homepage gives 2 drafts a day without an account. Saving drafts needs a plan; Pro is $3 for the first month. ## Related - [I need to write a eulogy for my mom, and every draft I start sounds like a greeting card.](https://hidengpt.com/write/eulogy-for-mom) - [My dad died last week, and I'm the one giving the eulogy.](https://hidengpt.com/write/eulogy-for-dad) - [I want to write down the story of my life for my children and grandchildren.](https://hidengpt.com/write/memoir-about-your-life) - [My dad's funeral was two weeks ago, and I have forty thank-you notes to write.](https://hidengpt.com/write/funeral-thank-you-notes) - [I have to give a eulogy for my grandma, and I don't know where to start.](https://hidengpt.com/write/eulogy-for-grandma) - [Does my writing sound like AI?](https://hidengpt.com/tools/ai-cliche-checker) - [Essays, homework and everyday writing that sounds like you](https://hidengpt.com/write) [Prefer HidenGPT on Google](https://www.google.com/preferences/source?q=hidengpt.com)