My coworker is retiring after 31 years, and I've been asked to say a few words.

How long to speak, and how to split the time

A rule of thumb, not a measurement: the more speakers there are, the shorter each one should be.

- Cake in the office, or a lunch with several speakers: 2 to 3 minutes each, about 260 to 390 words. - The main tribute at a retirement dinner, usually from the manager or the closest colleague: 4 to 5 minutes, about 520 to 650 words. - A closing toast at the end of the evening: 1 minute, about 130 words.

HidenGPT counts 130 spoken words a minute in English, so the 4-minute preset on this page aims for about 520. Here is one way to spend them. Opening, with your name and how long you worked together: about 50 words. The early moment: about 120. The hard moment: about 140, because it carries the most weight. The ordinary moment, a habit or a saying: about 110. What comes next for them, a word to their family and the toast: about 100. That adds up to 520.

A speech that runs 4:00 at your kitchen table runs closer to 4:30 in a room that laughs and claps, so aim a little under your slot.

Three moments, not thirty years

The usual mistake is the CV recital: every job title and every year since the person started. The room hears dates and starts looking at the dessert.

Before: “Linda joined the department in 1994 as a clerk, became senior clerk in 2001, moved to billing in 2008 and has been supervisor since 2013.” Anyone holding her personnel file could say that.

After: “In 1996 Linda found a billing error that had overcharged 400 households. She didn't write a memo about it. She came in on a Saturday and fixed every account by hand.” One year, one number, one thing she did, and the room learns who she is.

Three kinds of moment cover a long career well. An early one, from their first years, gets a laugh because everyone remembers being new. A hard one, a crisis or a bad year, shows what they are like under pressure. An ordinary one, a habit or a saying such as “say their name twice”, is the line people repeat on the way out.

If you don't have three, ask for them. A week before the party, email three colleagues from different decades and ask each for one story with a date in it. You will get more than you need.

What to leave out

Retirement speeches that go wrong tend to go wrong in the same places. Cut these:

- Age jokes: “over the hill”, “finally old enough for the discount”, anything about naps. - Health, pensions, money and the exact age they are retiring at. - Who is replacing them, the reorganization, or how the team will cope without them. - Jokes that suggest the office is glad to see them go, even as a joke. - Plans they haven't shared. If they told the whole floor about the sailboat, use it. If they told you over coffee, ask first. - A list of every project. Name one and let it stand for the rest. - Stock lines: “end of an era”, “big shoes to fill”, “well-deserved retirement”, “the next chapter”. Say the actual thing instead: “Paul, she's all yours on weekdays now, and so is the sailboat.”

If their family is there, speak to them once, by name. “Paul, thank you for lending her to us for 31 years” is enough, and it turns the speech toward the people taking her home.

What the Speech format does with your notes

Set Occasion to Retirement / farewell and the draft is told to honor the person's work through concrete things they did, with a goodbye that is wistful but hopeful. The plan runs from an opening line, to who you are, to one or two stories, to the core message, to a closing wish or toast. If you want all three moments, say so in your notes, as the example does.

Minutes runs from 1 to 15. At 4 it targets about 520 words and shows a length warning if the draft lands below about 364 or above about 676. Tone starts on Heartfelt + witty; Formal suits a senior leader's retirement, and Witty suits a team that teases each other daily. Under More details, Stage cues adds marks such as [pause] and [raise your glass], which don't count toward the length.

The format works from what you type and is told not to make up stories, names or events, so a missing memory becomes [add a short memory]. A light red pen pass removes stock phrases such as “a testament to” and “serves as a reminder”, but “end of an era” and its cousins aren't on its list, so cut those yourself. With a plan, you can save a voice from your own writing, at least 300 characters across two to five pieces, so the wording sounds closer to how you talk at work.