I'm hosting Thanksgiving this year and want to say a few words before we eat.

Example toasts for four kinds of table

Each runs under a minute. Names and details are made up.

The host (about 95 words): “Before anyone touches the turkey, one thing. A year ago we were cooking on a camping stove in the garage, and Ruth lent us her oven so we could have Thanksgiving at all. Ruth, this one is partly yours. To the Millers, who drove nine hours from Ohio to meet us: welcome, and I am sorry about the parking. And to the twins, who set this table and only broke one glass: good work. I am grateful for a kitchen with a working stove, and more grateful for everyone in it. To family, old and new.”

A funny one, for a family that teases: “Every year Uncle Joe says the turkey is dry, and every year he has seconds. Joe, we have made it drier this year, just for you. To being together, and to gravy.”

Remembering someone who is missing: “This is the first Thanksgiving without Grandma Rose. She made the pecan pie every year, and she always said it was store-bought so nobody would ask for the recipe. Kate made it from her card today. So before we eat, to Rose, and to everyone at this table she taught to cook.”

A guest meeting the family for the first time: “Thank you for having me. Sam warned me about the football rivalry and the stuffing debate, and I am staying neutral on both. To the cooks.”

When to stand up, and how long to talk

The usual moment is once everyone is seated, glasses are filled and the food is on the table, just before people start passing dishes. If your family says grace, the toast usually comes right after it, or the person saying grace does both in one. Some hosts wait until dessert, when the room is relaxed; that works for a longer, funnier toast but loses the “before we eat” moment.

One minute is the ceiling at a dinner table. At about 130 spoken words a minute, that is roughly 100 to 130 words. Food is getting cold and children are hungry. If you have more to say, say the toast and save the rest for later in the evening.

Get attention without tapping a glass with a knife: it chips glasses and startles people. Stand up, wait a second, and start. Make sure children and anyone not drinking have something in their glass too, water or juice counts.

Say the names. A toast that names three people at the table feels like it was written for this dinner. A toast that thanks “all of you for everything” could be given anywhere.

What to leave out at a family table

Thanksgiving brings together people who do not see each other often, sometimes for good reason. Keep these out of the toast:

- Politics, religion beyond your family's custom, and anything from last year's argument. - Jokes about weight, food choices or who is still single. - News that belongs to someone else: a pregnancy, a new job, an engagement. Let them tell it. - A long gratitude list. “I am thankful for my health, my job, my family, my friends” is a list, not a toast. - A loss that is still raw for someone at the table, unless you have asked them first. Remembering someone can comfort people, but they should not be surprised by it.

If a family member died this year, keep the memory short and specific, like the pie example above, and end on the people at the table. That gives everyone a moment and then lets them eat.