My daughter is getting married, and I'm giving the mother of the bride speech.

Where the mother of the bride fits in

In the traditional British running order that Debrett's describes, the father of the bride speaks first, then the groom, then the best man. The mother of the bride has no fixed slot in that list, which is why so many mothers search for what they are supposed to say. Today many do speak, and the couple decides where.

The slot changes the speech. At the reception you are talking to everyone, including her new colleagues and his great-aunts, so say who you are in your first sentence. At the rehearsal dinner the room is smaller and mostly family, so you can be a little more personal. At a bridal shower the guests are mostly her friends, and a lighter two-minute version works better than a formal one.

If her father speaks too, split the jobs before either of you writes a word. A common split: he welcomes and thanks, you tell the stories and welcome her partner. Or give one speech together and hand the lines back and forth. What you want to avoid is two parents reading the same list of names five minutes apart.

Funny and emotional in 390 words

Three minutes at a normal speaking pace of about 130 words a minute is roughly 390 words. A split that keeps both the laugh and the lump in the throat:

Opening, who you are and one line of welcome: 40 words. The funny story: 120. The moment that moves you: 100. Her partner: 80. The toast: 50.

Put the funny story first. The first laugh settles your nerves and the room's, and it buys you the quiet you need for the serious part. Make yourself or a harmless habit the joke: your own panic at her driving test, her price list at the lemonade stand. Leave her exes, her weight, her teenage years and the cost of the day out of it.

Place the emotional moment late and keep its sentences short. Long sentences are where voices crack. If you think you will cry, write a full stop after the line most likely to get you, take a breath there, and carry on. Guests expect it from the mother of the bride and will wait.

Example: a three-minute mother of the bride speech

Example (about 290 words, built from the notes in the box above):

“Good evening, everyone. I'm Linda, Claire's mom. Mark has thanked all of you properly, so I get to do the fun part.

When Claire was nine, she opened a lemonade stand at the end of our driveway. Most kids write a price on a piece of cardboard. Claire printed a price list. Lemonade, fifty cents. Ice, ten cents extra. Our neighbor Mr. Alvarez paid the ten cents, and then asked me, very quietly, whether she was going into banking.

She did not go into banking. But that girl with the price list grew up into a woman who knows exactly what things are worth, and who is never shy about saying so.

The night she moved into her first apartment, she called me at nine o'clock to ask how long you boil an egg. I told her. Then we talked until ten. I don't think she needed the egg advice at all. I think she needed to hear the house.

I have kept that call in my head for six years. Tonight I understand it better, because I watched her walk in with Sam, and she did not look like someone who needs to call home to feel at home.

Sam, before you two were even dating, you drove six hours to fix her car. You told her it was on your way. It was not on your way. We looked it up. That is when I stopped worrying.

You are welcome in this family, and you are welcome at our table, any night, egg or no egg.

So would you all please raise your glasses. To Claire and Sam: may you always know what each other is worth, and may you never charge extra for ice.

To Claire and Sam.”

Read slowly, with pauses for laughs, that runs about two and a half minutes, which leaves room for the applause and the glasses.

What the Speech format does with your notes

With Occasion on Wedding speech, the draft starts with who you are and how you are connected to the couple, uses one or two concrete stories from your notes, keeps exes, money, fights and crude jokes out, and finishes by raising a glass. Set Minutes from 1 to 15; at 3 it aims for about 390 words and shows a warning if the draft lands more than 30% away from that. Tone starts on Heartfelt + witty, which suits this speech; pick Heartfelt if you want no jokes at all.

It is told not to invent anecdotes, names or events. If your notes have one story and the shape needs two, you get [add a short memory] in the gap, and that gap is yours to fill with something true. A light red pen pass removes stock lines such as “a testament to” before you see the draft. On Pro or Pro Max you can save a voice from your own writing, at least 300 characters with two to five pieces working best; long texts or emails you have sent your daughter make honest samples.