My closest friend died suddenly, and her family asked me to speak at the funeral.

Example: a three-minute eulogy for a friend

Example, about 390 words: the notes above after the speaker filled the gaps and added a few lines of her own, such as Jess's last text.

“I'm Dana. I met Jess in a dorm laundry room in 2010. She had just shrunk my only sweater. She apologized, and then she wore it for a week, because she said it fit her now and it would be a waste.

That was Jess. She took what happened and made it work.

Mr. and Mrs. Moreno, Danny, you knew her first, and you knew her longest. I want to tell you a little about the Jess her friends knew, because I think you would have liked her too.

She planned everything. Every trip we ever took, she made a spreadsheet. Flights, beds, who owed whom twelve dollars. And one column was always called ‘snacks, non-negotiable’. If you went anywhere with Jess, you ate well, and you were on time.

She was the person who showed up. Six years ago, my dad had a heart attack at two in the morning. Jess was four hours away. She got in her car, and by six she was asleep on the hospital floor next to my chair with her coat as a pillow. She didn't ask if I needed her. She just came.

The one thing Jess could never do was say goodbye. At every party, at some point, you'd look around and she'd be gone. No announcement. She just hated the moment. Most of us got a text the next morning: ‘Home safe, love you idiots.’

So this is hard, because she didn't let us practice.

Jess, I don't have the spreadsheet for this one. But I'll bring the snacks. And I'll keep your text, the last one, the way you sent all of them.

Thank you.”

It never says how she died, never mentions her age as a tragedy, and gives the family one direct sentence. Those three choices matter more than any line in it.

You knew a side of them the family didn't

A friend's eulogy has a particular job. Parents, partners and siblings knew the person at home. You knew them at 2 a.m. on a road trip, at work on a bad day, at the bar after the game. The family often wants to hear that side, and it can be a gift, as long as it is the side they can hear.

A test for each story: would you tell it with her mother sitting next to you? Not every true friend story passes, and that is fine. Keep the drunk ones, the ex, the risky ones and the inside jokes for the reception, where friends will tell them anyway.

Speak to the family once, by name, early or near the end. “Mr. and Mrs. Moreno, you knew her first” tells them you know whose day this is. Do not explain to them who their child was; offer what you saw.

If a whole group of friends wants to contribute, collect one story from each by message, pick the two that show her best and mention the others in a sentence: “Ask anyone from the soccer team about the van in Ohio.” People will.

When the death was sudden, or they were young

A sudden death, an accident, a short illness at 30 or 40, changes the room. People are in shock as well as grief, and some will be angry. A eulogy does not need to make sense of it.

A few practical choices help. Do not describe how they died; the room knows, and anyone who doesn't is not served by hearing it from the lectern. Avoid lines about a life cut short or plans they will never finish; they put the focus on the loss rather than on the person. Talk about who they were in the last year or two as well as the old days, so the room meets the person they just lost.

If the death was a suicide or an overdose, follow the family's wishes on whether and how it is mentioned. If they want it named, keep it to one calm sentence, and the officiant can help with wording. Nobody expects the friend giving the eulogy to explain anything.

Three minutes is enough, roughly 390 words at the 130-words-a-minute rate HidenGPT plans English speech for. When the death was sudden, shorter is often kinder, because many people will speak and the room is tired.

What the Speech format does with a friend's eulogy

The Eulogy / memorial occasion asks for a calm, plain and respectful draft built on concrete traits and the mark the person left, with no religious or ideological assumptions. Your role tells it you are speaking as a friend, so the draft speaks from the friendship rather than as family. Minutes goes from 1 to 15, and at 3 it aims for about 390 words.

It keeps to what you wrote. Names, places and stories are not invented; a missing memory comes out as [add a short memory]. Quote a text or a saying exactly and it stays exactly. A light red pen pass cuts stock phrases such as “a testament to”. Phrases like “gone too soon” are worth cutting yourself. On a plan, a voice built from your own writing, two to five pieces such as messages you sent her, keeps the wording close to how you talk to your friends.