My dad died last week, and I'm the one giving the eulogy.

Example: part of a eulogy for a father, from his daughter

Example, the first half of a five-minute eulogy: the notes above after Lisa filled the gaps with details of her own, like the taped drawer. Use it to see the shape, not the words.

“My name is Lisa. Frank was my dad, and some of you knew him as the mailman who knew your dog's name before he knew yours.

Dad delivered mail on the east side for 31 years. He knew which porch had the loose step and which dog needed a biscuit before it would let him through the gate. He never told us any of this. We found out from strangers, at the grocery store, for decades.

He fixed everything in our house with duct tape and a butter knife. When he was done he would step back and say, ‘That'll hold.’ It usually didn't. The kitchen drawer has been taped shut since 1994. We are not opening it today.

When I was swimming in high school, meets started at seven, so Dad got me up at five. He never came inside the pool. He said it was too hot in there. He sat in the parking lot with the radio on, and when I came out, wet and cold, the heater was already running.

Dad was not a man who said ‘I love you’ very often. He checked our tire pressure. Every visit, every holiday, he walked around the car with his little gauge before we could leave. It took me until I was thirty to understand that this was the same sentence.”

The second half would carry one more story, a few words about what he leaves in the family, and a short goodbye. Count what is missing, too: no medical history, no list of every job, no “he was the best father anyone could ask for”. The tire gauge says it better.

From a daughter, from a son: what tends to change

Daughters and sons write different eulogies for their fathers less because of who they are than because of where they stood. Write from your spot in his life.

If you are his daughter, the stories that land are often the ones where he showed care sideways: the car warmed up, the phone call that was mostly about the weather, the boyfriend he was polite to for exactly one dinner. Say plainly what you understood later.

If you are his son, the room often expects a story about work, sports or a lesson. Those are fine, but the line people remember is usually smaller: the way he held a hammer, the joke he told every Thanksgiving, the day he let you drive. One sentence spoken straight to him, starting with “Dad,” near the end, does more than any summary of his values.

If you share the eulogy with siblings, agree on who tells which story before anyone writes, so two of you do not stand up with the same fishing trip. One opens and says who he was, each adds a story of about a minute, and the oldest or the youngest closes. Five minutes between three people is enough.

A complicated father, and a eulogy that is still honest

Not every father was easy, and many people searching for help with this one are trying to stand up for a man they had a hard time with. You are not obliged to pretend.

What works is to speak only about what is true and kind enough to say in that room. Choose the years or the side of him you can describe without lying: his work, his skill, his friends, what he was like with the grandchildren. Leave the rest out rather than polish it. A line such as “Dad and I didn't always find it easy to talk, but we could always talk about baseball” is honest, and the people who knew will hear it.

You can also keep it short. Two minutes, about 260 words, is a complete eulogy. If someone else in the family had an easier relationship with him, they can speak too, and nobody will notice who said less.

What to keep out, whatever the relationship was: the illness in detail, money and the will, the family feud, anything you would not want his grandchildren to hear, and anything you are saying mainly so that one person in the room hears it.

Length, humor and what the Speech format does

A child's eulogy is often the main one at a parent's funeral, so five minutes is a sensible target unless the officiant gives you a different slot. HidenGPT plans English speeches at about 130 words a minute, so five minutes is roughly 650 words, three is 390 and two is 260. Grief slows the voice; if you are close to your limit, cut a story rather than read faster.

Humor belongs if it was his. Many fathers were funnier than they let on, and a story that gets a quiet laugh gives the room a moment to breathe. Keep it to something he would have told himself. Heartfelt keeps the draft calm; Heartfelt + witty lets more of the laughter in.

With Occasion set to Eulogy / memorial, the format asks for a plain, respectful draft built on his concrete traits, with no religious or ideological assumptions. It is told not to invent stories, names or places and leaves [add a short memory] where it needs one. A light red pen pass removes phrases such as “a testament to”. Watch for “he lit up every room” yourself. With a plan, a voice saved from your own writing, such as old texts or a letter you wrote him, brings the wording closer to how you speak.