I need to write a eulogy for my mom, and every draft I start sounds like a greeting card.
Bring her words, not adjectives: things she said, what her hands were always doing, one story that is yours. HidenGPT's Speech format, set to Eulogy / memorial, turns four minutes into about 520 plain words to read aloud, and marks a gap instead of inventing a memory. You check every line and say it as yours.
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How to do it in HidenGPT
- 01
Before you write, collect her sentences: things she said every day, how she answered the phone, what she wrote on notes, the question she always asked when you called.
- 02
With Speech picked under “Use it for”, Occasion is set to Eulogy / memorial, Minutes to 4 and Tone to Heartfelt; put “her son” or “her daughter” in Your role.
- 03
Type her sentences, one or two stories and anything the family wants left out into the main box; if she was ill for a long time, say which years you want to talk about, and send.
- 04
Fill each [add a short memory] with something true, check her name, maiden name and the places with a relative, and read the draft once to the person who knew her longest.
- 05
Practice it aloud three times, then print it in large type with one short paragraph per block.
Speech & Toast: Weddings, graduations, keynotes: timed to the minute and written to be read aloud.
Example: an opening and a close, from her son
Example, the first and last paragraphs of a four-minute eulogy: the notes above, plus the lines her son added himself when he filled the placeholders. The middle would carry two stories.
Opening:
“I'm Michael, Pat's son. For 25 years, if you had a child at St. Agnes, my mother knew whether they could eat peanut butter. She did not write it down. She just knew. That was Mom. She kept track of everyone, and she did it so quietly that most of us found out only now, from each other, how much she was holding.”
Close:
“For most of my life there was a note on the kitchen table when I came home. Always on the back of an envelope. ‘Soup in fridge. Wear a coat. Love, Mom.’ I found one last week, in a drawer, from 2009. I am going to keep it in my coat.
Thank you, Mom. I'll wear it.”
What makes those paragraphs work is her own words. A line she wrote or said, quoted exactly, carries more than any description of her. If you have one, build the ending around it.
When she was ill for a long time
If your mother had dementia, a long illness or several hard years at the end, many people in the room last saw her in that state. A eulogy can give them back the person they knew before.
One way to do that: say one plain sentence about the illness early, so nobody is waiting for it, and then spend the rest of the time on the years before. “The last five years were hard, and many of you visited her through them. Today I want to tell you about the woman who answered the phone ‘O'Neill residence’.” That is enough. You do not need medical details, a timeline or the name of the care home.
If there was a moment during the illness that showed who she still was, a song she still knew, a joke that still landed, it can be the one story from those years. Many families find that sentence is the one the room remembers.
The people who cared for her, a sibling, a nurse, a neighbor, can be thanked in one line near the end. Keep it to names and what they did.
What to say about a mother, and what to cut
Most first drafts of a eulogy for a mom read like a greeting card because they are made of words like selfless, loving, strong and devoted. Every mother in the room has been called those. Swap each adjective for something she did.
Before: “Mom was the most selfless person I have ever known.”
After: “Mom grew tomatoes in buckets on the fire escape and gave most of them to the family downstairs.”
Four minutes is about 520 words at the 130-words-a-minute pace HidenGPT uses for English. A split that suits a mother's eulogy: who you are and how she was known, about 70 words; her daily life and her phrases, about 130; two stories, about 220; what she leaves, and the people she cared for, about 60; a close in her own words, about 40.
Cut these: how she died, unless the family wants it said; the will and the house; old fights with in-laws; a list of every grandchild's name, which belongs in the obituary; and any “she is in a better place” unless that is what she believed and the family wants it said. If you are speaking for both parents because they died close together, give each their own paragraphs rather than mixing them; the room needs to hear two people.
What the Speech format does for her eulogy
Eulogy / memorial asks for a calm, respectful and plain draft built on the person's concrete traits and the mark they left. It makes no religious or ideological assumptions, so a prayer, a hymn or a reading goes in only if you add it. Minutes runs from 1 to 15. At 4 it aims for about 520 words and flags a draft that lands more than 30% off.
The draft is written for the ear, in short paragraphs you can find your place in. It is told not to invent names, events or anecdotes, so if your notes run short it leaves [add a short memory] instead of filling the space with something that did not happen. Quote her words exactly in your notes and they stay as written. A light red pen pass cuts stock phrases like “a testament to” and “serves as a reminder”. On Pro or Pro Max you can save a voice from your own writing, such as letters or messages to her, so the wording sounds like you rather than a template.
Not the right tool if
- The printed obituary. Her full name, dates, family members and service details belong there; the obituary for a parent page sets that up.
- Telling the story of her illness. It writes a tribute to her life, not a medical history.
- A eulogy with memories you have to borrow and cannot check. Ask her sister or her friends directly and use what they tell you.
Other ways to do it
- A page of her sayings, written by hand
- Costs nothing and often turns into the eulogy itself. Write down every phrase you can remember her saying, then pick three.
- Her friends, sisters or coworkers
- They knew her before you were born, or in rooms you were never in. One story from each fills the gap.
- The officiant, priest, rabbi or celebrant
- They know where a eulogy fits in the service and how long you have, and can suggest a reading if the family wants one.
- ChatGPT or another chatbot
- Fast for a first outline, but chatbots lean on the adjectives this page tells you to cut, and may add details she never had.
Questions
How long should a eulogy for my mom be?
Three to five minutes is typical, so roughly 390 to 650 words at 130 words a minute. Ask the officiant how much time you have and aim a little under it.
What do I say in a eulogy for my mother?
Say who you are, show her through things she did and said, tell one or two stories, and close with her own words if you have them. Specific beats general every time: the note on the envelope, not “she always cared”.
How do I write a eulogy for my mom who had dementia?
Mention the illness once, plainly, near the start, then spend the time on who she was before it. If one moment during the illness still showed her, it can be your one story from those years.
Is it different from a son and from a daughter?
The structure is the same; the stories change with where you stood. Say in your first line that you are her son or daughter and tell it from your place in her life.
Should I include a poem or a prayer?
Only if she or the family would want it. Ask the officiant where a reading fits; it often works best before or after the eulogy rather than inside it.
How do I get through reading it without breaking down?
Read it aloud several times in the days before; it gets easier each time. Print it large, mark where to breathe, and give a copy to someone who can finish it if you need to stop.
Is it okay to use AI to write my mother's eulogy?
Yes, if you use it the honest way: you supply her words and your memories, it shapes them into a draft, and you change anything that is not true or not how you talk. What you read at the service is yours.
Can I try it before I pay for anything?
Yes. You can make 2 drafts a day on the homepage without an account. Keeping drafts and writing in your own voice need a plan; Pro is $3 for the first month.